20 Nov Dharma, Alignment and Following Your Bliss with Kitty Waters
In this episode I had the privilege of talking to Kitty Waters who I’m a big fan of and is also the podcast host of Kitty Talks – where she interviews thought leaders who are changing the world with their work. The interviews follow their journey and aim to empower and inspire people to uncover their dharma and purpose. She is also a serial entrepreneur and female empowerment coach, focused on helping woman to build lives in alignment with their soul’s purpose. She runs an online Do Your Dharma course to help people find out what they’re good at, give them tools, and create a vision for their lives to manifest and create because they’re in alignment with their universal force.
She also runs a not-for-profit organisation for transformational leaders and they meet twice a year around the world. There are 50 x members from 15 countries and they’re shifting humanity with their work. She also has a recruitment business and runs a property company.
In this episode she reveals her fascinating journey to awaken to her purpose after suffering from anxiety and depression, with a pivotal turning point that involves saving her mother from a suicide attempt. It’s an intensely captivating story and Kitty is a wonderful story teller, this episode is not to be missed.
Below are some snippets of what Kitty covers in the conversation:
What does finding your truth mean to you?
I do generally believe that finding your truth is a life long journey. We are born into this world and we’re beautifully pure. Then our truth gets covered up with conditioning, society, with other peoples stuff and limiting beliefs. We’re squashed down a bit, at school we’re taught to conform.
Its only when we find our truth we can become happy. For me I had a big wakeup call and that was a catalyst to finding my truth. But for a lot of people it can take a lot longer. For me finding my truth is a spiritual journey and I’m grateful I’m on that journey.
I believe we choose our parents for the experiences we have. I’ve got wonderful parents, but they had certain ways of looking at life. My mum has a history of bi-polar and depression and attempted suicide/suicide which runs through the female side of my family. I learnt that way of behaving and it was a self-deprecating, negative way of looking at life.
My dad was very black and white, ethically he was very strongly; this is right and this is wrong.
When I was in my early 20s I fell in love with a man who was engaged to another woman. I hated myself because I believed that was wrong. I didn’t tell anybody because I was ashamed and we were meeting in secret. All those emotions went around and around in my body, we’re energetic beings, we need to let those emotions out. Human beings, especially British human beings are taught to hold in their emotions. I never saw my mum or dad cry growing up. When we hold in negative energy like that, those emotions will take you down. So I suffered with chronic depression at that time and had a nervous breakdown. I went to the doctor and took antidepressants.
But I didn’t really learn my lessons, I was always looking at the negative, I was thinking what is wrong with me. I was never grateful for what I had.
I was unhappy and I masked my unhappiness with drugs and alcohol, and I went down to the pub and forgot everything from the age 21 to 28. I got to the point where I was floating out of myself and watching myself because I was so depressed and disconnected from myself.
Anyone listening who is suffering my advice is to try to reconnect to yourself. Writing can be a good way to reconnect to the negativity you have spinning around.
At the age of 28 I had a major shift – around that time you’ll have some sort of transition, a pivotal moment when you move from childhood to adulthood – your Saturn Return.
My mother was suffering from very bad depression. I didn’t know she suffered from depression at the time because it was hidden. We didn’t talk about it.
Conscious parenting is about not shielding – in my parent’s generation, with the best of intentions they were trying to shield their children from negative things.
My mum was getting worse and worse, and I was so desperate I went to a psychic. First thing she said to me was “I know why you’re here, your mother is going to be okay, but things will get worse before they get better” then I burst into tears because that was exactly what I’d gone there for. The lady was right; things did get worse before they got better.
My mum went missing, she left a suicide note with my dad, and my boyfriend at the time was a paramedic (no coincidences in life) and we picked up my sister and went to my house. Policemen asked ‘has your mum ever done anything like this before’? I said no but my dad said ‘yes’ and I was so shocked. Felt like my whole life was a lie. We never talked about it. So we went to look for her, we have woods at the back of our house. You can turn left or right, and I got a voice in my head that said ‘turn right’ and we followed the voice in my head and it lead me right to my mother and to where she had overdosed. I ran to the ambulance and I surrendered to God, and I made a commitment that I’d change and I know now that moment is when your ego collapses and your paradigm shifts. This voice in my head was mind blowing. End of the story is that my mum is okay and she survived and got her life back together. But this was a big turning point for me. It’s weird to look back on it now, it feels like a dream. It really changed how I lived my life. From 28 to 32 I had to shift out of the toxic environment I’d built for myself; I didn’t know anyone that didn’t drink. I had to build a whole new life and make new friends. I found a new group of entrepreneurs from the ‘Yes Group’ they had vision and drive and it really resonated with me.
I started studying and going to all sorts of personal development courses, Tony Robbins, Landmark, things like that. Slowly but surely I rebuilt my life. I was always into property and I was building that on the side of my job, which enabled me to become financially free by age 32.
Then I started to build the non-profit organisation. That was an incredible synchronicity. But now I understand that when I was out of alignment in my 20s, consequently I was depressed and looking for purpose in the wrong places. Then when I started to do the things I loved, things started to speed up. I was in a job for 12 years, my growth happened when I left. We can stunt our growth if we don’t leave. The best thing we can do is listen to our inner voice and our body. The universe is trying to shift you on the right path. It’s imperative that we listen.
Your purpose unveils itself to you; it will evolve and change over the course of your life. What it is now will change in 2 or 3 years’ time. You don’t just wake up one day and go “Oh my God, I know why I’m on the planet” it will evolve and change. What’s imperative is that you take aligned action. To take aligned action is to get you working in alignment with who you are at your core and at your essence. You go to school and find out if you’re intelligent or not. Whereas what dharma teaches us that our job is to uncover our unique gifts and talents and work in alignment with them and our passions. When we do things that we’re passionate about it’s like a breadcrumb trail. Usually we don’t know and we’re not sure what we’re passionate about.
Once you start to go towards the things that really excite you that bring you joy, you then start to see this path open up to you.
That’s when you get the synchronicities happen, that’s when the right people show up to take us there. They say ‘when the student is ready the teacher will appear’
We’re not educated or trained this way and taking the first step is the most difficult.
We talk ourselves out of things, you learn as you go, you will get the clarity through the engagement. You just need that first idea to get going. If you follow the excitement chain, it will unfold at the optimum rate for you.
How can you figure this out?
When you write a ‘to do list’ every day – what is pulling you on the list? That is what you’re meant to do, daily. You should be able to outsource the things you don’t want to do. By following that chain of excitement you will figure out what you like.
What stops people from finding their truth?
We grow up with conditioning, its unconscious; we have to get it to the conscious so we can look at it. But if you want to do something but you’re paralysed with fear, figure out what those limiting beliefs are. Then question, is this really a limiting belief? How we live is incredible, and we have to have an appreciation for that, you realise how lucky you are and look at the stuff holding you back.
Look at the unconscious beliefs and see how irrational and unrealistic they are. Bringing them from the unconscious to the conscious you’ll find they dissipate. You’ll realise you don’t need that anymore.
For example, limiting beliefs like I’m not good enough, I’m too old, I’m too young – we have hundreds of them.
When I was writing the Do Your Dharma course I was thinking – who am I to write this course? I had this imposter syndrome, but now I know it’s just a little voice, just my ego trying to keep me safe, and trying to keep me small.
When we can separate ourselves from our thoughts and understand that they’re just thoughts, they don’t have the power over us. We can take the aligned action and move through our limiting beliefs.
When I get aligned ideas they drop in, usually I’m in nature and our energy is expansive. I teach how to keep your energy in an expansive state. It’s easy to drop into a lower state. I teach how to be in an expansive and receiving space. Get out in nature, walk the dog, go to the sea, let divine guidance come to you.
Final bits of advice
It’s really important we’re really truthful with ourselves.
Do you wake up and jump for joy of what you’re going to do that day. Or do you have a heavy heart and some resistance. We need to take responsibility for our lives.
Responsibility is key for you to shift and change your life.
If you are anxious or depressed, they’re all signs that you’re not quite on the right path; you’re out of alignment of who you’re supposed to be. Through that lens it’s really empowering. We’re not taught how to find the right path in life. We’re not taught those skills at all. A dharmic perspective is that we’re always getting messages about how in or out of alignment we are, and listening to the messages that come from mind, body, spirit, and emotions.
People don’t speak the truth – but if it’s done with love and in a polite way others learn from it. It’s all about speaking up for what we believe and honouring our emotions and how we feel. As we get stronger in that like a muscle, naturally life will flow better because you’re being truthful internally and it’s being expressed externally. If you’re looking at life with a positive lens, it will be reflected back to you. You will see things that weren’t necessarily available to you at a lower lens.
Thoughts become things. It’s important to honour your emotions and let them flow through you. You may have a day you feel sad and upset, and you can let that pass through you and then you come back into alignment by and asking yourself empowering questions like – what is the good coming out of this situation, what can I learn from this situation. Then you can get the answers and learn from it.
Honour your emotions first – let it out, and then move through it. When you store those things in our bodies we get illness.
You can see more of Kitty Waters here: